Sometimes I think I'm out of control. I wish I knew how to organize my thoughts and feelings. But instead they just whirl around my brain. And it's nearly impossible to keep track of my emotions. I'll love something one day and then hate it the next. If I could show you what the inside of my head looks like it would probably resemble the Chicago underground transit.
Everything in my life is so ambivalent. I hate the things I love. I can't get enough of the things I can't stand. And sometimes things are so ugly that it is beautiful. I'll do things that I hate, just because I love to. I'm passive but I pick fights. I say things I don't mean, And I never say the things I mean. I care too much and then not at all. I cry because I'm happy and cry because I'm sad. I would like a relationship but that is the last thing I want. I do things because they hurt. I want to help you, but I'll probably end up just pushing you over. I trust you, but might never tell you anything. I want to run, but I'd like to stay. I care about what you think, but I don't. Nothing is static.
I wish I knew how I felt about things. I wish I knew how to be consistent in my thoughts and feelings. Someday I'll know just how I feel. I'll grow up someday.
sounds like a case of Jekyll and Hyde. you didn't drink any potions by chance?
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